Even though my mother has been gone since December 2021, I can’t seem to shake my anxiety of celebrating my birthday even though she can’t ruin it for me anymore. As far back as I can remember, she would tell me some unpleasant thought she had about me on my birthday. The worst was on a milestone birthday in 2017 when she told me I was a mean and horrible person, and that she was embarrassed she gave birth to me. As another milestone birthday approached six months after her death, part of me wanted to celebrate with friends, and another part of me wanted to quietly wait for my birthday to come and go, so I could once again breathe a sigh of relief it was over.

Birthday Blues is mixed media on fabric. The blue and grey monoprinted construction fence pattern is machine appliquéd on an embroidery I purchased on eBay.